Not to age myself, by any means, but I have been single for almost 27 years. I don’t think any of my traipses into male-friend-that-sometimes-sleeps-over world counts as a real relationship. I’m perfectly okay with that. It has taken me this long to admit that, even to myself. Pretending to hold onto the romantic and fiery flings of the far off traveller just passing through, or the one that got kicked out of his apartment so stayed at mine for a few months or the one that led me on for almost a year before I realized he had no interest in becoming my man, just aren’t cutting it as my “ex-boyfriend” stories any longer.

So, as a modern woman, comfortable and independent and now out of work for the first time in years – I’ve signed up on a dating website. Throwing myself into a new life here in this big city, I worked nights for over 2 years. That was my excuse. The cradle that rocked me to bed every night, alone. “I don’t have time to date” was my mantra. Upon losing my job and gaining back my soul I realized I would happily join into a partnership of love, intimacy and physical expression. Now is the perfect time, in fact, any time is. My schedule is almost completely open. (Well, I won’t tell them that, though, aren’t we still suppose to play hard to get?) (I should download the app of rules, I lost my hard copy.)

I don’t mind being unemployed, however I do cringe every time I type that to a potential date. I feel like there’s that double standard again. If I were a woman (oh wait, I am), I wouldn’t jump to date a guy from the internet if he were unemployed. I would think he’s lazy, a deadbeat, can’t hold down a job, looking for a sugar mama… all of it. BUT, I want them to date me. I have savings. I’m not broke. I’m just nervous because I wouldn’t want them to feel like I’m only dating to get a free dinner (or drinks, since they don’t seem to want to commit to a dinner even, at least not on the first date anyway). Yet, I don’t want to pay either, because I don’t want to threaten their manhood, or whatever they get all pissy about.

The point is, I’m ready to face this head on. This dating thing. Not only that, but also all of the silent issues that have sat by and watched me live alone for the past years. I’m grateful for that time, to prepare, now I am one hundred percent sure of who I am. I’m just curious to see who I am… with some one else.

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