A wise man once said I reminded him of himself because I seemed like the type of person that woke up every morning and asked “What’s the point?”
When he first said that, I stopped for a second to think about it. I didn’t feel like I was that bitter about life already, I was only 20, and even if I was I knew I wasn’t that transparent. Then I thought about it some more and decided he was right. That cocky schmuck. One of my biggest pet peeve’s in life is when someone knows me better than I know myself.
Which happened a lot, when I was younger. I lived in this great bubble of distorted reality. I like to call it the Momelah Bubblelah. I hadn’t individuated and separated from my mother. Therefore I was always seeking her approval and didn’t have the confidence to venture out beyond that confining momelah membrane. Missing that monumental phase in a growing childs development supposedly leads to a “disturbance in the ability to maintain a reliable sense of individual identity in adulthood” (Wikipedia).
Identity crisis? Please. I’ve run the gamut on crises and left my identity crisis back in California with a box of black hair dye and those army green cargo pants I wore in 8th grade. It’s not my identity that I worry about. External or internal, I know who I am. There’s a saying “You are who you are when you’re alone.” I know what I’m like when I’m alone. I kick puppies and spit on old people when they walk by.
I ponder though, silently on my blog, what IS the point?
And now back out loud again, I continue to ponder. The point, as told to me by one Ms. Merriam Webster (abridged then annotated) is as follows:
1: an individual detail
2: obsolete
3: an end or object to be achieved
4: a geometric element that has zero dimensions and a location determinable by an ordered set of coordinates
8: a very small mark
19: credit accruing from creating a good impression
(1)An individual detail is not overwhelming. That I feel I can handle, over a long run. For instance right now the point of [my] life is this blog. Now it’s sipping this sweet tea, etc. (2)Obsolete is also a noteworthy option as I believe my computer is, or almost is; like the human race. (3) Which leads me to believe the point of life is in fact the end and once you’ve found that end point you’ve really just found death. Congrats. (4) Huh? (8) The point could be a very small mark – like the one I feel I’m leaving on the world with this blog. (19) Or… and finally, accrued credit which is a fancy way of saying karma, you cheeky bird Ms. Webster.
Wondering what the point is and why we’re here as a whole race or as an individual person would advance one straight into an insane asylum. The universal question should not be us asking for all of this to be explained and for us to be shown the map of our destinies. It’s like when I call my brother on Tuesday’s and tease him with who gets kicked off the Biggest Loser. He lives 2 hours behind me, I know the future of his television viewing. However, it is not my place to prematurely hoist the curtain before west coast audience eyes, his destiny is to know who is not the biggest loser, pacific standard time.
If any of you, my faithful followers, ever stop to wonder about the point of life and find yourself faced with unanswered questions please, refer back to this blog. As Paulo Coelho wrote in THE ALCHEMIST “Maktub” which means “it is written.” For if you’ve found reason, purpose or point to this blog then you’ve likely found reason, purpose and point to life. This blog is a half ass-ed 4 am attempt to justify my being awake and having a completely unproductive Sunday. Not to say God spent 6 days on an adderall binge, furiously working on this great idea he had but as he applied it realized it was nowhere near the masterpiece he envisioned which led to a pretty severe crash on the 7th day leaving the world in a state of “eh, good enough.”
There is a point worth noting; the point when you realize enough is enough. (Not specifically- my blog.)
So lastly, I offer my final donation to this juicy entree of an entry with an explanation that the point of life is not one, but a series thereof. Reminiscent of the mapping of any given asterism with friends, when you emotionlessly agree you see Orion’s belt but really all you can connect is the outline of a cupcake. They offer to point out each star and its name to define and identify the entirety of the famous belt, but you riposte visually back to your cupcake. They lose patience at your lack of interest in the father of constellations and when asked why you’ve chosen to refuse the blue collar cumberbun you reply “What’s the point? I’m happy with my cupcake.”
Adventures of the untoward 
I just left the longest, coolest post but after I hit the ‘post’ button, it said ” please enter a valid email address then kicked me to another page amd I lost the whole mothafuka. That sux.
oh no. i want to know what it was. =( cuz that comment ^^^^^ sux. haha jk =)
I’ll try again.
I distinctly remember being a kid and often contemplating existence as a whole. I can remember laying in bed and sometime between rubbing my eyes until i saw those firefly things and picking my nose, I remember thinking about how infinitesimally small I was/am. I would think about the entire universe: planets, stars, space, time, thought itself, emotion ….everything. It was overwhelming.
Sometimes, in my bitter, FU god moments, where I curse god and jesus and the holy spirit (and anything related to religion for that matter) for taking my most precious and unique brother from me so soon, I still can’t deny the reality that it is very unlikely this is all some kind of really cool accident. Creation (which I think it simply must be) is too fantastic, too marvelously woven into such a beautiful…whatever. There is just no way I can look around me and ponder all that is existence and say “nice job big bang and primordial goo.” It just doesn’t make sense. To me, even though I fight against the religious part, a creator or some type of intelligent designer being MUST be responsible.
I’m not sure you were really looking for a discussion about existence itself. Whatever you were looking for, your post evoked this response. In a strange way, I think whatever it is is calling me out on my bullshit right now. I don’t know if it is a god, or some other type of something, but I think my irreconcilable stance on religion and all things spirtitually related to that brand, are reflecting my ignorance right back in my face.
I just don’t want to be in a culture based on fear. I can remember praying for a person that they would be “saved” and not go to hell. I don’t care how you cut it, Christianity comes down to “If you don’t repent and get saved, you are eternally damned.” At its very core is this looming beast of damnation. You can say what you want, but I think that creates a terrible sense of guilt and fear when instilled in young minds. And I can remember being part of that group. This is the same group that denounces homosexuality as a sin. The group of fuckers I spent time subscribing to which caused my brother James heartache, pain and tremendous internal turmoil. This is perhaps the most upsetting to me. When you have lost someone, and you realize you wasted any part of your precious time with them, judging them or praying for them……I could lose my mind. The fact that I was potentially any part of his mental and spirtiual anguish after he came out makes me so angry.
That being said, I think this anger is being exposed for what it is: baggage. I hold onto it so ferociously. I guess I am punishing myself for what I see as my fault in the matter. I need to let go and find some sort of spiritual peace with something. I just don’t know what. Right now my spiritual peace comes from volunteering and saying yes. I want to show people the power we have to change things. Still, I feel like I have a spiritual void of sorts. I need to find something…..hmmmm. Until then, keep up the blog posts. Having a great time with your thought-provoking, witty rantings.
SL
I love it!
Another enjoyable post. I especially liked your version of the creation of life and Earth as we know it. What really struck me though was the comment of Simon who called your posts thought provoking. So right. Simon, your post was also thought provoking and I thank you for your candor as well. Peace to all…