Day Four Bikram
Well, guess who practised directly in front of the mirror today? They recommend new comers stay towards the back, so you can watch the more experienced yogis since the instructor doesn’t show you the moves, he or she just verbally explains them for you. It’s a little confusing, and my eyes always would jump to the teacher, again from dance classes and just good listening skills where a visual example and eye contact confirmation were necessary.
Today’s teacher was just fabulous. She had a great energy that felt excited and encouraging, she enjoys what she does. We chatted a little before class, where I explained I’m on day 4. The class was VERY small today, only about 10 of us. So we all had a little more personalized eye time. Which was great because she was able to call out some pointers to make some moves easier for me, as a beginner.
She was also very generous and congratulated me on a very, very open and amazing (if I do say so myself) standing bow pose (again for a beginner, not advanced or particularly graceful, but locked knee, strength and height!). I’m really proud. I LOVE being able to see and feel changes already.,. only 4 days in.
Even with 4 classes I can tell that they will always be different. There is no such thing as “on a roll” in bikram. I think it mostly has to do with where your head is at, with outside conditions such as food/water consumption playing a part as well. So today I went in with very little expectations after leaving yesterdays class feeling good, but with a twinge of sadness.
I know I’m still processing the emotions from the ending of my last relationship two weeks ago. My emotions are so strong about the break up. It’s just hard to cope with the selfish fact that I’m more heartbroken with myself than with him for the termination of the 6 months we shared together. I wish people would stop saying “oh well you didn’t love him, just get over it.” It’s a little more complicated than that. I’m a very intense and passionate person and people have intense effects on me. I mean, it wasn’t the happiest healthiest relationship, by far, we know this. Yet, we went through a lot together in a short period of time. Anyway, he didn’t deserve for me to break his heart like that. I hope he forgives me at some point in his life and can learn to open his heart and trust some amazing girl who’ll make him happy.
I was very honest at pre-class check in with today’s instructor and told her I’m so grateful for the timing of this class challenge, because I need it for me more than anything. It’s definitely becoming my addiction and quick. Then after class when I thanked her she was very supportive and encouraged me to come back tomorrow. She’s the first one. The other instructors gave me the “well, don’t over do it” response.
Which was a great way to end day 4, because tomorrow I will go in the middle of the day since I don’t work tonight. So I will trek downtown just for the sake of yoga. Which is good because sometimes you just need any reason to get out of bed.