Day 6, Bikram.
Shining from within. I woke up this morning at 3:45am and the full moon was shining down on me. Since I went to sleep around 9pm last night, due to exhaustion – emotional and physical and woke up at a quarter to four, I was ready to start my day. I decided not to go to the 6am class but rather hydrate and wait for the 8am.
I knew I was going to have a good class because of the moon. The healing light from the universe instinctively told me I was going to go further back in camel pose and open my heart just a little bit more. And I did.
It was a phenomenal class for me. I mean, sweat was pouring down my body. I braved the 2nd row, as it was a small class. I also braved shorts. My legs are my least favorite part of my body and I generally have a smaller waist on top of big, jiggly, dimply, pale thighs. It’s very hard for me to look at my legs and like anything about them.
Today, I chose to use my legs as my focal point during class. Standing head to knee is difficult for me and I’ve spent the last 3 days just working on keeping my vertical knee locked. Today, I did.
There was a point during class, while my chin was on my towel waiting for locust pose to begin, where I was basically breathing in a puddle of sweat. I thought my face was going to catch on fire. I was so hot. All I wanted to do was be under a cold shower.
A self imposed personal hell and all I could do was smile. The bullshit about boys didn’t matter, my fears of moving across the world next year for absolutely no reason except to try something different didn’t cross my mind or the fact my apartment was covered in clothes or the stress about money and trying to figure a way to pay for a trip to California in November, a trip to see friends and mother in New York before I leave the country for a year+ in December and then still have enough to start a life in Australia just adds up and weighs me down normally but when I’m trying not to “die” in 105 degree heat none of that stuff matters.
Then when I leave the hot room and walk into the air conditioned lobby and the sweat dries and life goes on as normal, I still have a little of that peace. In the hot room, on my mat I am my first and foremost priority. Outside is where the lines get blurry. When thinking of work, bills or family demands prevail over my personal needs is when my frustration sets in.
Yoga turns into so much more than exercise. It turns into 90 minutes of me championing me. Which is something I’ve learned I need a lot more of.
Open your heart and let the love pour in. My heart is my light and it’s time to let it shine.
2 thoughts on “6 to one, life change to another.”
Duffy–Now only are these wonderful posts to read, but I hope you are giving some thought as to how to make them into an article to pitch to a magazine ($$ for your travels). You are such a talented writer. More than those of us who subscribe to your blog need to have the benefit of your words.
Thanks, Jeri! I appreciate that support and encouragement. I would have no idea where to begin to organize and make a pitch to a magazine… However, wouldn’t that be just ideal.