On the 9th day of yoga, Ryan Gosling said to me…

Bikram Day 9 // Class 8

Merp. I made the biggest mistake during class today. I placed my mat directly in front of the podium and back a few feet. The instructor and I were literally squared off, paralleled to each other and it threw me off balance for the entire class. I enjoyed him and disliked him at the same time. There was a very unnerving aspect to it, for me. I think I have a crush on him.

First of all, I came in to class in a horrible mood. Something last night at work just snapped in me and I just detached and hated. I was sad and just didn’t know why. I still am not sure, it could be something as simple as just ending this chapter of my life, which was a pretty rocky, emotional one. There are a lot of loose ends being tied up now as I’m getting ready to leave. Emotions are stirring from recent memories, my overall Chicago memories and of course, still grieving the loss of my father.

I told my manager last night at work that I was moving in 4 months out of the country. It was a good feeling, because it wasn’t an official notice, because anything could change.  However, it is just one more declarative step. My expectations for Australia and my time abroad are also dwindling daily. Which is a great relief,

On the bus ride home, I kind of didn’t care about anything. I’m not sure if that is good or bad. I realized, when I got home, that I left my soaking wet clothes in a bag on the counter in the locker room. I was like “eh.” I have no problem with my clothing feeling disposable. They weren’t my favorites. It was just clothes. I don’t expect anyone to touch the soaking wet outfit and for it to sit overnight anyway will make it gross. Oh well.

I can’t tell where this emotion is coming from. If it’s from a good place of working through emotions or a bad place place in me trying to fight off the good that’s coming out through the release of yoga. Regardless, I got the giggles in class today.  It was the silliest thing, in between poses, the instructor said the same thing that everyone else always says yet for some reason today I just couldn’t stop giggling.

The giggles I believe, was me fighting off the shit mood I accumulated at work. Which is true, I feel better now than I did going into class. My body feels better – all stretched and soft. My body was tight before class and during the beginning poses. I had a conversation with myself when I first got to the hot room that went something like “do your best. unless you don’t feel like it, then fuck it. at least you came.”

I am my favorite person.  See you tomorrow.


3 thoughts on “On the 9th day of yoga, Ryan Gosling said to me…

  1. I know i have said this before…does your hotel have hotels in Australia? A former client of mine, who is also 28, took a job teaching english in Taipei and saw many places in southest Asia during her two years there. Plus she learned a lot about the culture. when her time was up, she came home for about a month and then snagged a job in Antigua. My point being that I wonder what the pay-off is for you to keep starting over again almost from scratch. Why not have a job where you are going and lessen your worries. An international resume will always make you stand out no matter where you decide to focus job-wise.

  2. Yes, I work for a very large International brand and there are properties in Australia. I do have a work-holiday visa for Australia for one year, so I can work. I know I’ll find some sort of work, even if I have to job hop until I find a suitable job. I have a little international experience, I keep getting hired because I’ve worked 40 bed hostels to now a 1200 room higher end hotel. I can’t transfer to an Aussie property but I may be able to apply and work there. It’s still just too far away to start applying and planning for jobs. Plus, I still don’t know what city I’m going to live in.

    Plus, I’m not really concerned with “career” advancement. These are just jobs for the mean time.

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