It’s day sweet 16 and my 15th class of bikram, ever.
Surprise, surprise – I had a GREAT class! I had some good revelations during this class. Sometimes my legs shake uncontrollably when I’m trying to balance or “lock that knee” consequently my standing bow today was not as strong as it has been. Also, I noticed my arms are hurting more during that pose. The shoulder and arm deep, deep stretch made me aware of my body. I quickly went back to the mind frame that I had during my first class – which was no expectations, because I had no idea what to expect from my body.
Now the standards have been set, so it’s just a matter of topping that each class. However – that is not what the goal is. This second revelation came to me because I was practicing next to a girl and guy who struggled the whole class. The instructor usually announces the first timers during class but she didn’t include them in the list. They seemed like first timers simply because they stalled their poses until others were in position.
The girl had to sit out quite often. I noticed that on the difficult poses when she broke I would get a little more focused and go deeper into it. At first I thought it was me being competitive, until I finally realized that I was smiling a little too. Which subsequently made me realize that I was just remembering what my first classes were like when everything was so extremely difficult and new.
There was a moment when it looked like she wanted to run out of the classroom, and had she started to, I would have whispered “don’t go.” Thinking that may be really creepy, I let her ride out her struggle. Her boyfriend encouraged her to stay and after class, they both had a pretty big smile on their face because they just won bikram.
I think she helped me have such a successful class because I wasn’t scared of the class at all. No nerves, no excitement, just acceptance and a focused meditative state. My mind was also clear as I was able to leave work at the door when I walked out. It’s my weekend, too, so I don’t have to think about anything or anyone from that place until Monday evening.
On my way into class I was chatting with the instructor, because she asked what day I was on. I confessed that I had a lull of a few down days and she said that around day 16/18 you get a second wind, so I guess that is what’s happening now. I hope that doesn’t mean I end the last few days on a down note. I really like talking to yogis about this because things I fear are abnormal are actually very normal.
My relationship with the mirror has gotten a lot stronger. A girl, who didn’t realize, set up her mat directly in front of mine and blocked me from the mirror. I was disappointed because I really wanted to work on eye contact. I scooted over the best I could. She never realized her folly. Perhaps it helped as I just pictured myself as I wanted to look.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for following along on my journey. I am so proud of myself and I love being able to share that with you. See you tomorrow!