The finale. 30 days of Bikram and Blogging. Signing off…

30 DAYS OF BIKRAM AND BLOGGING – DONE!!!!!!

No seriously, I finished all 30 classes in 30 days. I also managed to blog about it. It’s funny because during class I was like “this doesn’t really feel any more special than any other class.” Even when I got a round of applause at the end of class because Ashley gave me a shout out, or when I walked in to the locker room and was congratulated by strangers. I felt a little like I had done 30 days when I got the shirt that says “I survived the 30 day challenge” which has our studio name on the front, and when the staff came by and gave me hugs – despite my dripping sweat.

However, truth be told I felt most like I did my 30 days during days 15-20. Those were the struggle. Those were the days where I asked myself what I was doing and why I felt the need to do this. What. An. Incredible. Journey. Of passion, pride, doubt, fear, sweat, nausea, laundry and the fact that I managed to wash my hair 28 times in 30 days. (For a curly headed beauty this is a lot!)

I have learned so much on and off the mat. I’ve shared most of it with you, but today during class some things hit home.

#1. When you learn something and try to apply it (to yourself, your life, etc…) it does not apply immediately. It’s like the forward bend in standing separate leg head to knee pose, where you have to dive down with absolute control and fold over and touch your forehead to your knee. So I’ve learned about the way I am in the world and the way [some] people in the world see me. Ultimately what matters is what I feel about myself. I am the only one that can control me – I am the only one that can control my breath, and once you can control your breath, you can control everything.

#2. During camel Pose today – the 1st set – someone popped into my head. I was furious. Almost frantic. “Get out, get out,” I thought. How dare you come into my head during my time. He is the symbol of a lot of things to me, but he is not the reason I am into Bikram. So setting up for the 2nd set I repeated “This is for me. I am here for me. I’m taking care of me. I love me. I can do this.” and then without much effort was able to bend further than I ever bent before. I wanted to cry – not because of an open-ed heart break through, but because of an open mind breakthrough.  I love him and that’s fine, that has a place in my heart, but he no longer can have space in my head. That’s reserved for the future.

#3. Some days are going to suck. After a double yesterday I was just simply not as flexible. My body was tight and it was difficult to open up. However, when I realized I was going to have a shitty class and accepted it during standing head to knee and standing bow – I broke out into a laughter. It was fun. Class was fun because it was just fun to manipulate my body the way that I could.

#4. Accountability aschmountability. Yes, I felt more accountable because I made all of you do this journey with me. However, had I not completed my 30 classes or 30 days just because… the real shame would have come from within me. I would have let myself down. In class is the same way. I have conversations with myself that go like “well you came, that’s the first step, don’t over do it.” Some days that’s a necessary conversation because it is all I can do, then. However today was not one of those days. Granted, I physically felt I couldn’t push through a certain point, but I could push through the point I was at. Because again, when I go home this afternoon, I’m the one who knows how much effort I gave during class.

#5. It was just 30 days of bikram. I didn’t cure cancer. I didn’t solve the national debt, I didn’t even SOLVE any of my problems. I showed up to a yoga class 30 times and then after I walked out onto the busy city streets, with a soaking wet back and became anonymous. No one knew I had just successfully completed one of my most difficult challenges to date. In a few years this won’t be a chapter, this will be a detail. However, I know that deep down this was a game changer. This changed the way I see myself. The relationship I have with myself is now altered forever.

I did something I was curious about because I needed something in my life that I could dive into. I am an addict. I have that gene. I used to drink, smoke, snort and eat to find a way out… and now several years later I’m using bikram to find a way in. I hope this is just the starting point. 30 days, 30 therapy sessions, 30 faceoffs between me and the mirror. I can’t wait to keep going. Everything is possible.

After class, hugs, gloating and congratulations I did what I’ve done for the past 30 days – Thanked the instructor and said see you tomorrow.

 

A list of postures:

http://www.bikramyoga.com/BikramYoga/TwentySixPostures.php

 

My studio – PLEASE come check it out, or look up your local studio. One class is a challenge, I challenge you to challenge yourself. You may hate it, and then again – you may not.

http://www.bikramyogarivernorth.com/

 

Thank you for reading. Thank you for your support. Thank you for sharing this with me. From my heart to yours – Namaste.