The up and down

Well, one full week of 30 day challenge behind me and I feel – meh. To be completely honest I’ve only gone once to yoga this week. And that was extremely difficult. It was an emotional week for me, on several levels.

One, because of my dad. Two, because when I was leaving starbucks the other day, the weather had turned. I went in to the coffee shop on a cold fall day and walked out to a hot summer day, so as I crossed the street towards my burrito heaven lunch I began to take my jacket off – and out fell my ipod. It crashed to the ground, something it’s done HUNDREDS of times in my 2.5 year ownership. However, this time, it cracked. I almost started to bawl.

It was the day that would have been my father’s 70th birthday. I had barely shed a few tears that morning remembering my father. Standing there, halfway between a gluttonous coffee and a gluttonous burrito I just absolutely could not break into tears crying over my gluttonous itouch. Funny enough, I had bought my beloved toy right after my dad died. It was a gift to myself.

I almost, in childlike form, wanted to stomp my foot, hold in tears and run home and flail myself on my bed crying “why, why, why?” “Why me, Jesus, why?!” Realizing that would be a tad over dramatic – and after all that I would still be hungry. I progressed toward the burrito shop. My ipod still works, it’s not broken, just shattered on the upper bit. Not so ironically by the part of the case that had torn and I had noticed and wondered if that would effect it in anyway. :/

The good news (for you) is the camera is not really working, so there goes my facebook selfies you’ve all come to know and love from me. Then I started to think, maybe this is a good thing. I’m trying to back off facebook. the only thing I like about the social media site is keeping in touch with so many outstanding people all over the world. But that’s not what happens daily, it’s more like a list of things that people post to pass time, complain or feel better about themselves. It’s rarely a completely positive experience.

This week I’ve spun into a little negativity spiral. It’s always about money, isn’t it? Everything then the ipod on top and with the recent findings that I am probably going to have to buy (full price) my ticket to Australia it just seems overwhelming financially. When I sent out the email notification to my family and friends telling them about my big move it was June 17th and I had $50 in my Australia account. You’re supposed to enter the country with $5000 AND have health insurance. Health insurance is another grand or so, that I don’t have.

As of today my Australia fund is $1200. Let’s be honest, for me that is a lot of money. I have never been able to save up anything. Even when I went to Europe I only had 6 weeks notice and with no savings managed to go on just a few paychecks that totaled under $3000. That was successful. Albeit,  at times hungry, cold and void of trinkets. There is not one moment of my trip I regret though.

So tonight at work, which turned in to a very calm evening which left me able to peruse the internet, I started looking up flights. Flight searching is one of my favorite things because I can always seem to find a price cheaper than the first one advertised. Even if only a few bucks. I found two routes to Melbourne, both leaving from LAX. One- via Honolulu, the other- via Shanghai. The prices ranged less than $50 in difference.

My first thought was YES! HAWAII!!! (I wanna go to Hawaii yeahhh) because I would book two separate flights, one from LAX to HI and then a separate one from HI to MELBS, I could stay a day or two on the island. When I saw the Asian option I was less excited. My thought was more like ew: Big city, foreign language, waiting 6 hours in the airport for a connection. Then I was like “um wait a minute.” Isn’t that the whole point of the trip?

When the idea struck to leave it was to go to Asia. Australia came by way of the “it’s now or never” realization that I am nearing the age cap for the Work Holiday Visa. So my thought was to save up to get to OZ then work there to save up to get to Asia. In these brief moments this morning when I envisioned landing in Shanghai for a 6 hour layover I changed my thoughts to – well that’s 4 hours in a city I’ve never been before. Then I thought “well what if I just go to Asia first and travel around there and then go to Australia AFTER Asia.” I have no problem going to Asia for a few months, traveling and showing up down under before December 2014, penniless and eager to work. The thoughts rolled on “well if I show up penniless I can find work – I have a visa! That’s the whole point is to work to save money.”

Then my thoughts came to a screeching halt. Why is it okay to show up penniless when coming from Asia verses showing up under budget coming from Hawaii? Because I’d have more of an epic story post Orient? My Europe story is epic and it begins with “I had less that $3000 and a one way ticket…”

All of a sudden I felt OK that I’m not on budget and that with approximately 4 months away and I’m at 24% of my savings goal. My goal was to arrive with $5000 in the bank. Now my goal is to arrive with 3. Honestly, if I have more than 2, I will be shocked and proud. I’m guessing an additional 2 grand over the next few months for the ticket and insurance will be spent and hopefully I arrive with enough money to have some drinks with friends in Melbourne, fly to Sydney for a week or so to tourist and visit and then head back down to Melbs for work.

Cairns is no longer a top priority as I will, in fact, have all year to get there. Perhaps even travel north as the seasons begin to change. Who knows? This was a step in the right direction of letting go and lowering expectations. I have a friend from NY who is currently in AUS on her WHV and she has really been a guiding light. Ever supportive and encouraging. I know that I will see her there, and that first beer we have together will be the absolute most perfect, refreshing, free tasting beer of my life.




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