Marching On

A co-worker came back from the bathroom today and said “there’s a girl in the bathroom sobbing and saying how much she hates her job.” My immediate response was “been there, done that!” and when I expressed that to my co-worker she just looked at me, blankly. I asked her if she had ever had a workplace meltdown and she said “No, at least not related to work, I’ve cried at work because of my personal life.”

I spent a little while longer thinking about this. I understand that some people don’t connect the two – work and personal. However, you spend so much of your time at work, how could it NOT be personal?! There are times when one can disconnect from their job and know it is not relevant to the rest of their life.

However, the lady in the bathroom was a part of the sales department. Which means that this was what she chose as her career. Or at least was trying to choose. I’ve worked in sales – I hate it. I can’t stand the bullshit and the fakeness. Unfortunately I’m really good at it, however each time I’ve tried to take the lucrative path of sales I get disgusted with myself quite quickly and retreat back into some form of customer service work.

Work time breakdowns are not that foreign to me in general. I can think of two instances where I spent the majority of my time on the clock, in the bathroom, staring at the too-white-tile and thinking “what the hell am I doing with my life?” Each breakdown predated a change, move or trip, because I knew something had to change.

When I was leaving work last night I popped my head into a different department and cheerfully offered a “goodnight team.” Everyone said goodnight and I smiled and started down the stairs… I was thinking to myself “this is the first job I don’t really hate.” It’s not a bad gig. I get paid well enough, benefits, perks, I enjoy my co-workers, what’s not to like?

Then I wondered if I would feel the same about my mundane front desk position if I wasn’t on the brink of moving to the other side of the world for a year. A year, which definitely will bring me mediocre jobs in the bar or food industry. I doubt I would ever actively search to work at a bar or restaurant now as full time employment, yet doing it in Australia seems fun.

I realized the most important part of being in a transitional phase is having a goal to get out of that phase. Yes, I know this sounds very obvious, however we can often forget the simplest of solutions while convinced things are so very complicated.

At times, it won’t matter what goal you have the conditions are simple: 1) Pick something possible 2) Pick something you actually want. # 2 being the more difficult to pin point. Sometimes, it is, that you just don’t know what you want. For instance, two years ago I worked for a summer on Cape Cod and had NO idea where I was going after. So I ended up coming back to Chicago, which ultimately worked out, but I could have sprung forward to do a lot of other things with the potential money I could have saved.

Hindsight being 20/20 everything happened for a reason and I’m glad I took this time on my journey because I met some amazing people, enjoyed that summer immensely as it was and it projected me into a position where I came back to Chicago knowing I didn’t want to settle back down here, but wasn’t quite sure where I was heading next. And then it all clicked.

From the depths of depression, one might not be able to pinpoint a goal to work towards. However, I realize there always needs to be something to focus on. When I get to Oz, I will be enjoying my time there and working to stay afloat but my goal is to save money to travel through Asia afterwards.

My instinct was to run down to the bathroom and console my mysterious co-worker with words of comfort and positive outlook. Also, I wanted to help her figure out something to look forward too. The day to day struggle is difficult. The days bleed together until all of a sudden it’s 2015 and nothing has changed, you still weigh the same, you still haven’t taken those 2 weeks vacation, you still are the same person you were in 2013.

If you were to take my advice seriously I would then tell you to never work a job you hated. UNLESS you were using it to propel you to your next step. It’s easier than it seems to get stuck in any particular part of life. Then, when you are stuck it seems downright impossible to get out of that position. That is the danger zone. That is when your life passes you by.

It is so much more rewarding to break that mold and make a change. It is not only scary. It is scary. as. fuck.  I try to remember the scarier the thought the more rewarding the reality. It’s always true that when you do what scares you most you live the life that fills you most- with joy, bliss, adventure, confidence, love, openness, friendliness and the kind of happiness that radiates out of you and causes others to reevaluate their own situations.


One thought on “Marching On

  1. Dear friend, Thank you very much, I was really happy to have been following your blog. I’m still a lot to figure out, and here I can only say that you are an awesome blogger, full Inspiring and hope you can inspire more readers. Thanks and greetings compassion from Gede Prama 🙂

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