We are the silent warriors of life. We are the ones that endure a lifetime of unknown. Years of life with no answers or direction, other than that with which we find within.
It used to be different. It used to be that we would go our whole lives and possibly never think about meaning or purpose. There definitely used to be a time when other people’s lives – ups and downs weren’t broadcast into yours daily. A time when we would go through some pretty tough situations, alone. I think that now it’s changed due to media coverage and social media accessibility.
I’ve taken 4 days off facebook so far and nothing really has changed in my life. What I did realize though, are the times I am inclined to tap open that blue app is when I need to vent, get validation or aire some sort of grievance I’ve encountered. Then I thought – what the hell is the point of that?
Earlier tonight, at work, I tried to log on to my Pinterest account. It gave me a strange message saying something like my account was in safe mode because it’s been accessed in different places and they didn’t want my pins compromised. Are you kidding me? My PINS compromised? Oh dear God no, not my pins!
I appreciate that Pinterest has my best baking, travel and DIY needs in mind – however, get over yourself. My pins are not a pressing matter of a security breach. However, the internet, in all its glory is making some things much too easy for a lot of us. It’s a harder juxtaposition as the outer layer of things are getting easier yet we still have a seeping whole of inadequacy when it comes to things like, emotional intelligence.
I am in the process of researching my trip to Asia and am reading dozens and dozens of travel blurbs and blogs and the majority of them leave me the same way I found them – unfulfilled. This is the way with a lot of things these days where anyone and everyone can have a voice and therefore people are leaning towards the quantity part vs the quality part. A lack in substance. In heart, soul and belief.
Sometimes I feel like the world is on a hamster wheel, running faster and faster, not realizing there is not progress. The progress on a hamster wheel is not letting the wheel stop – sort of like treading water to not drown. Then, one day you just have to stop and it’s over.
I battle with this constantly. As I am out here in the world, living away from the norm, away from my comfort. In a country that is so similar to my own with the exception of a few, annoying differences. For instance – I have an accent. This baffles people and when they meet me as I am about to check them into their motel room for the night, they insist on knowing where I am from. So I tell them. And that is rarely ever enough. They have to know more. Where exactly? Which State? Which city? Why here? What are you doing here?
None of those are personal questions. None of those have anything to do with ME, except “what I’m doing here.” And then when I answer why I am here, working in the middle of nowhere for 6 months, they tend to still not be happy with my response. They want something more than the simple fact that I wanted to experience something different and save money at the same time. What do they want me to say? I followed a leprechaun here and he told me I’d find my true happiness, eternal life and a pot of gold in this dusty, rundown, outback town.
I feel we grow more and more like independent cubes, stacked alongside each other instead of in a collective congruence. We don’t mesh, we separate. I am me, you are you. On a physical plane, yes. On a transcendental plane, absolutely not. We’ve lost our team. We’ve lost our “we.”
Sometimes I feel like there is no point even to travel the world. With everything being discovered or previously trekked on, there is nothing that I can do that someone else can’t or already hasn’t. Then I remember, that’s not why I travel. I am not Magellan. I am not in Australia to plant the Duffy flag down and call it mine. It is quite the opposite, I am here to observe, see, hear, feel and know what life is like from another perspective.
Essentially what I’ll do throughout Asia too, with the hopes of being taken away with countries that actually have a foreign culture, verses the western “American” culture installed here in Australia. (Don’t tell them that, though.) One day I will come back to the states and “settle down.” (Probably.) I will need to find a way to have an income, find a place to live, take care of my essential needs and then perhaps consider finding a partner to procreate the next generation. (Maybe.)
I’d settle for a partner that I love, respect and can have some serious mind bending philosophical and existential conversations with. However, falling in love with a guy will not solve any of my head games. I fell in love with a guy last year who didn’t understand any of my head games. He didn’t understand sadness, depression or even physical sickness. Calling me weak when I came down with strep throat and a 103 degree temperature. My body needed rest and attention. I wasn’t being lazy and calling off of work for the hell of it.
We need people who “get” us. We need other people who see the world the same way we do, so we can use them to help express ourselves. We also need people who don’t get us and challenge each and everything we say and think. For then, we will know that we honestly and truly believe what we are saying and thinking and not just being a mindless voice screaming for attention, just like the others.
However, we need to be aware of this dual need. It’s the way the sun needs the moon, the stars need the sky and I need ice cream with apple pie. Contrasting compliments that work together for one outcome. Can you imagine what the world would be like if the sun hated the moon? What if stars didn’t have a black canvas to shine on? What if I had to eat apple pie ala nothing?
The beauty would be lost. The wonder would be gone. It wouldn’t work the same. If that’s not the way the world was designed and we lived our whole lives without it, it wouldn’t make a difference. But now that we know, it can’t be undone, it should just be appreciated, admired and revered for what it is.
2 thoughts on “Silent Warriors”
You hit it right on the head every time sis! I love you and what you write!
Hey there! Jake posted this on his fb and I have read it a number of times since then. It is really resonating with me in a variety of ways. I really love your voice and appreciate your candor. I am having a lot of thoughts and a huge emotional response to this, and your other posts. So I just wanted to say thank you! Your brother is one of my favorite people and I know you are one of his, which makes even more sense to me now that I have spent some time reading your page. Thank you and I look forward to reading more from you!