(11) Squat it like it’s Hot

I stayed up late last night. I didn’t mean to, but it happened. I was suppose to be up and at the bus by 8:20 to be at the gym for a 9 am piloxing class (pilates and boxing) but I just couldn’t. I had an appointment with my trainer at 10, and I just couldn’t muster the energy to get up, but knew I had to.

I caught the 9:20 bus and was greeted by my trainer at the door. Today was his birthday, and I was his only client today, so I felt the need to make it special as he was doing it for me as a favor anyway. I brought him a cold coconut water and some mechanical pencils (after a conversation we had about how he has to cross out so many things in his log).

Once I was there it was great. It’s never as bad as I imagine it is going to be. Even when he announced we were doing dead lifts, which really is just a fancy way of saying weighted squats.  They hurt like hell.

At this very moment, I feel very okay, but am a little afraid of how I will wake up tomorrow as we did full body workout. Excited to feel, tomorrow.

I still have sugar cravings and I wonder if that’s because of what I am actually eating or because this week I’ve just sat and watched TV every night. I remember the last time I did paleo that the first few weeks were difficult and I had withdrawals and I remember I couldn’t sleep very well.

I don’t have the same symptoms really, but I don’t feel as energetic as last time, either. Also, last time I wasn’t working out because I was working 2 jobs and barely had to time to … anything.

My mom is really hoping for energy. I was hoping to shed a little poundage, which hasn’t happened yet, when I ‘ve cheated and checked the scale. We took measurements at the beginning of this challenge, so I am really eager to get to the end of the 30 days to see if anything changes. I know that it takes longer for drastic, noticeable change, but sometimes it is that first taste that can keep you going and wanting more.

Tomorrow is the dinner party, and I am really excited to have some time with friends. A lot of whom I have not seen in years. It’s going to be a great night, and I think I may drink too. I’m not sure yet. I don’t want to drink and then see cake or something sweet and indulge. Or smell a cigarette, as my brother is gonna be there too. I haven’t even been tempted to smoke a cigarette lately. The cravings are just simply not there, physically. It is more of an emotional or visual cue than a physical need to replenish a low nicotine level. That’s a great feeling! I do miss what smoking did for me, but I don’t want to feel that crappy and willingly hurt myself for a craving.

It’s the same with food really, but I have a much stronger mental connection and addiction to food. It’s horrible. It’s really, really sad when you think about it. Whenever I explain paleo to people, there’s always one that’s like “I can’t live with out cheese.” What kind of life is that?

I mean, I love cake. There is no way I will never have a piece of cake again, however once my body clicks back over to wanting and craving whole foods cake will not make me feel good emotionally or physically, so I will not eat it. Since that hasn’t happened yet and I’m still teetering with the mental want to be healthy, but my emotional dependency on food as friend is still thriving in my body, somewhere.

And that, we have to change. ❤

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