(14) Change of Challenge?

Have you ever been so tired of a food that you just. can’t.? Because I feel like that right now with meat… and salad.

I had to stay at my brother’s house again today to work on a project which ended up taking 5 hours of consistent work on the internet. So, I didn’t have time to catch the bus to go to the gym or the market. I feel like a child. Mom is still out of town and Jake works long hours. So I had $9 cash, but need cash for the bus tomorrow.

I was going to just have the pasta in my brother’s cupboard, when my brother called, as I was boiling water and I told him what I was doing… He encouraged me to spend my cash on a healthier dinner and he’ll give me cash later for tomorrow. So I ordered a salad from across the street – the pizza place this time, not the diner. The salad was good, in a way, better, because the spinach and chicken last night was just so heavy it was hard for me to get through it.

This salad, which is actually more of what I wanted last night – with iceburg lettuce, tomatos, olives and ham and turkey was just too much. The meat covered the salad – see picture – and that just represents the half I couldn’t eat. Maybe less than half as I ate that salad over 2 servings… and there is still a little in the fridge.

I also had a shit load of chocolate chips. Like, I feel so gross and disgusting. It’s pathetic. What’s really funny is I have a session tomorrow and am going to tell Coach about the chocolate chips and he’s going to “take it out on me” through excersize and I’m gonna hate it, but it’s so dumb that I didn’t have self control to just say no in the moment knowing how much harder I’ll have to work to erase the guilt ridden moments of “enjoyment.”

I had some brief messaging with my girl Case, who is doing a challenge of her own. She said she wasn’t going so great with hers and I told her how I feel like mine is definitely failing. I am now considering changing the diet. I’m eager to talk to my trainer tomorrow because I just feel like I have no energy. I know I’m not going to the gym everyday, but even after the intense session the other day, when I woke up Saturday I had zero energy and didn’t feel good about anything.

I have a job interview tomorrow, which I am so excited about but equally nervous. It is the job I want, but I am afraid the pay is going to be embarrassingly lower than what I am used to, since this isn’t a city job, but a suburb job. Also, getting there with out a car will be interesting tomorrow. I’ll have to leave more than an hour ahead of the interview to catch a bus for 10 minutes and then walk. If I get the job the first order will be buying a jalopy asap.

I am eager to change and make changes. I want to be positive, feel good and act good. I remember that feeling, a long time ago, when my body and soul were fluid together and felt more as one. That is not the case currently. How to reconnect with body and self is proving to be more difficult than an average challenge. It’s time to step up the game.

Tune in tomorrow to see what the decision is…. ❤


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