(29) Ending.

I made a huge mistake today. For whatever reason I just didn’t eat. I stayed up late last night and was awoken at 11am this morning by a phone call.

My trainer, left the gym, slash maybe he got fired. Two different sides leading up to it just not working out for anybody – including me. So the manager of the trainers at the gym called to let me know my session tonight would be with him instead and asked if I would reschedule for earlier in the afternoon.

So I went into the gym at 2 for my appointment, having 6 hours of sleep and with out eating in like 18 hours or something ridiculous. I knew it was dumb, but I just wasn’t thinking. I was so down yesterday and then today so much happened.

I got called for TWO job interviews today, and the hotel I interviewed with two weeks ago called a left a message. So I’m excited for tomorrow because there’s a strong chance I could be employed or very, very close to being employed by this time tomorrow. That was a load off.

Whilst at the gym, I shared my concerns for my body and we had a nice long chat about food and the amount of times I eat – or don’t eat. I know that when I was traveling I had stopped eating 3 meals a day. When I left my hostels in the morning I would stop to get coffee and at least a snack. I never spent time laying in, really. In NZ I would because it was more like a home routine, since I was in Wellington for 3 months, I wasn’t exploring everyday. On the days I worked the office job, I would grab coffee and food on the way into work, have a lunch break and eat dinner when I got home. When I was doing the catering job I would maybe eat before work, serve food all night and then stuff my face after the guests ate and get back to work.

Not exactly good habits.

So beyond not eating enough, and enough times a day, I also am way more sedentary than I’ve been in years. With out working this past month it’s just chilling around the house, watching Netflix, running errands, but it’s never as busy as a regular routine is for a full time worker. So I am looking forward to getting back to work for that reason as well.

I knew my gym session was going to be tough today, too. This one is a lot different than coach, this one does more of a full body – “I wanna see you suffer” type. In a good way though. However, I think we were half way through and I just couldn’t. I was dizzy and lightheaded and he kept joking today was going to be the day I was going to puke, but I hadn’t eaten anything so it just felt worse.

I was so hungry after the gym, when my mom and I were walking out I was like “fuck it, let’s just eat Mexican food.” This was the number one thing I missed when I was out of the country. Now, after dinner, I remember, that east coast Mexican food isn’t as good as west coast, but I was so, so hungry.

I ended up regretting the whole meal. I ordered tacos, with out even thinking and didn’t ask what kind of tacos. They were hard tacos. But, like, store bought shell tacos. I could have cried. I was wasting my calories on that shit? They were beef, which I wasn’t against because normally it’s shredded beef and pretty decent. This was ground beef, cafeteria style, greasy and disgusting. My mom said this was the best Mexican restaurant in town too. I was just heart broken. I ate it and felt immediately sick. I wish that I hadn’t, or ordered something different but everything else on the menu was covered in cheese or sauce,so I thought I was making a little bit better of a choice.

I am finally feeling more motivated and hopeful about the future. I think that any work will just rejuvenate me a little bit, as long as I know I have reasons to get out of the house and schedule stuff, that will help entirely.

Today was technically day 30 of paleo, since I started a day earlier than blogging. I’m not sure if tomorrow will be pancakes day. All that I know is that my first interview tomorrow is across the street from a starbucks, I have a gift card, and Casey just told me that starbucks now offers coconut milk. Tomorrow – sorted.

I will let you know the fate of tomorrow, tomorrow.


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