Day 11: Wholeo Is Where The Heart Is

Is today still Monday? Why do I feel like I live a whole week within a day. It started out rough today, I woke up with the dread of going into work.

Do you ever feel like that? It has to be one of the worst feelings. I believe it’s quite common, but I don’t know for sure. People talk about it sometimes but imagine having that pit in your stomach all week, every week because the place that supplies you with a sort of life, simultaneously drains you of one as well.

Let’s take a cue from John Lennon and imagine. Imagine a world with out ego. Imagine all the feelings of unworthiness, not-good-enough-ness, competition, jealousy and all the things that make us feel inferior (to someone else’s ego) and make us fight for an invisible crown – imagine they were gone.

What if every person on Earth’s light was shining. If you came across a person whose light wasn’t shining, or wasn’t bright enough you would actually help their lux reach it’s zenith, or vastness.

I have lots of theories and opinions and thoughts, because I have the internet and the above seems to be a prerequisite. Along with the willingness to share openly and freely despite the receiver’s willingness to hear.

So this was just a thought, a pose, if you will … A world with out ego. How would life change? How would work life change? Can you imagine actually working as a team?

I am really grateful for my new co-worker and friend. She has helped so much by concurrently validating me at work and also pointing out how much it sucks. She went with me on the walk tonight.

We only talked about work for a small chunk of our almost 2 hour walk. We were trying not to steep in the negativity of our jobs. We both have similar goals with school and it gives us lots to talk about.

She’s only a few years younger than me but we’re both in a place in our lives where working a mediocre job is no longer fulfilling. I know a lot of people don’t have the freedom to quit jobs Willy nilly or to cycle through different ones in hopes of finding a good one.

Some people are even okay to wake up and participate in the daily grind so that they can collect that paycheck and live their life.

I guess that’s just no longer enough for me.

Our walk was great. We got about a half a mile in and she thought she left her car unlocked so we walked back to check. I already was sore and offered to cut our walk short. She quickly responded “no I want to walk the whole thing,” to which I thought fuck.

Totally we walked a little over 4 miles! It was relaxing and slow and we chatted the entire way. We talked about how sometimes people and jobs leave you empty. Like they just take all your energy and don’t replenish any for you. I often feel that way so it was nice because she made me feel a little replenished.

When I got home I was so tired. Embarrassingly tired. I took a shower immediately and could barely stand the idea of standing to making dinner. So I didn’t. I had a hard boiled egg for dinner and went to lay on the couch.

I thought I would get up to make a real dinner after I recuperated but I just kept drinking water and realized I missed the window to eat.

Not super healthy, but there will be days like this.

Tomorrow I will buy lunch and plan a little better. We’re both planning on walking after work so long as we’re not overly sore or uncomfortable (so to prevent injuries) or it doesn’t pour rain and thunderstorm like it’s supposed to.

However, have you ever had a nice long walk in the rain? I haven’t in a while…