Day 22 and 23: Wholeo moly

Falling asleep on the couch is my new favorite thing apparently. I always save writing a blog for last so that I can collect my thoughts for the day and then reflect on them.

Now I’m two days behind. Friday was an average day. It was really hot and humid and the morning at work was insanely busy. Mid way through the day I decided I wasn’t going to walk. I was overall just tired and I knew I wanted the time to go home and do art.

So after work I stopped by the grocery store for a few things, then came home to finish the big piece. I’m pretty happy with it, I see where I can do things differently in the future but I’ll be happy with this one hanging in my living room.

Yesterday I had all these great plans for art I was going to do this weekend. When I woke up yesterday morning I had no interest in more art, I just felt like sitting on the couch and watching a movie. I ended up doing it all day. It was fantastic.

I’ve had the worst cravings for non Wholeo food over the past 36 hours. It’s not even a craving, it’s like I just randomly remember a food and then want to eat it immediately.

Remembering all the junk, all the trash, all the bullshit food like, “aw I want that.” That’s how I fall off the wagon each time I eat healthfully.

It’s a tough world out there for people who have to work hard not to gain weight. There are millions of bad foods out there and restaurants advertising to get you to eat there. A person has to make a conscious effort to eat clean.

For people like me that can only exhibit self control for a short amount of time it becomes tedious to keep up. Especially when the physical or aesthetic part doesn’t change as quickly as we’re expecting. It’s like every time I turn down an iced coffee, a cupcake, a side of fries a pound should magically disappear.

My friend that’s doing Whole 30 said she wants to keep going after this challenge, I do too. I do really well with strict boundaries. The problem for me is once the boundaries loosen all bets are off.

It’s funny to think about being addicted to food, but I am. I think a lot of people are. Normally we classify addictions as drugs, alcohol, gambling, things that are bad and destructive. Food can absolutely be bad and destructive yet it’s such a big part of our everyday life. Being overweight is no where near the biggest tragedy or hardship in life.

However, for someone who is constantly struggling with it it can certainly turn into the greatest tragedy of their life. Not because they live their life overweight, but because of the struggle within themselves of love and acceptance.

Someone who consistently struggles with their weight, appearance, self worth, self esteem or anything else that gets tangled and tied to outside sources, is a person who wastes their life concentrating on the wrong thing. The tragedy is ultimately that they don’t live a full life because of it.

I can think of many times that the way I’ve felt about myself has held me back from something in life. Trying new things, outfits, clothing stores, meeting people, even going for promotions or new jobs.

The food is the cause but it’s not the source of the addiction. Just with alcohol or drugs. The source is a place within that’s not being fed what it needs. A place that has been abandoned. That is the source that needs to be filled and loved, not the tummy.

There are 6 days left in the challenge. My boss said she was going to buy me alcohol when I completed. While we’ll see if she does it not, I would definitely like to have a drink or two next weekend. Other than that, I’m going to keep going with a wholeo eating plan.