Day 26: The Wholeo pooch and nothing but the pooch.

You can’t handle the pooch! Maybe you can. I feel pretty energized right now and earlier felt like I had some really good, pensive, deep thoughts to share now I just want to talk about my pooch.

For those of you, ahem men, that don’t know what a pooch is it is that dead space below the belly button and above the pubics cube. For some women it’s a hard area to “work out” and for a lot of us, it is not flat.

For me, I’ve always carried fat there, usually just a handful or so that’s never really bothered me as it breaks up the skin and puts a little texture and movement in my torso. Whenever I gain weight, that is the place on my body that I notice the most. It’s where I zip up my jeans, it’s where the elastic band of my undies rest and it’s where I carry a lot of pure fat.

The past few days I’ve been noticing it more and more, especially when I sit. Just a big roll hanging out and resting on the top of my thighs. Every time I look down while at my desk and see it I feel bad about myself. It’s protruding and unforgiving, bold and just really out there. I thought “could it be getting bigger?” That’s impossible!

When I got home from our walk today I jumped in the shower and wanted to change into shorts. I don’t have a lot of shorts, because I don’t particularly love my legs, however a few weeks ago I bought a few pairs so that I could lounge around the house in them, on hot summer days.

I got two pair at wal-mart for about $4 each. When I got home the day I bought them and tried them on, I was devastated that the XXL was uncomfortably tight! The cotton adhered to my skin, barely covering the surface area of my bum, pooch and thighs. It strangled my waist to the point that I had to change into other bottoms shortly after putting them on.

So today, when I was looking for something to put on, I grabbed them and thought what they hay – I’ll kick around in these for a while, who needs to breathe. Well, much to my surprise, they fit. They fit comfortably. They’re still very short, but I can breathe in them and they are even loose across the trifecta of bum – thigh – pooch. I couldn’t believe it. That’s some serious inches lost in 3 weeks.

I realized that the reason my pooch was standing out so much was because it was getting smaller and changing. Now it looks like a roll while before when it was bigger, it was more of an inner tube around my body.

I was so down and a little defeated earlier at work when I felt so big, but I was so happy when I realized that I am literally shrinking. It makes me feel good.

After this revelation I cooked dinner. I made cod, mushrooms, green beans and some guac. I ate on the couch. Not on the edge of the couch, like I’ve been doing lately, but I sat fully back on the chaise and surrounded myself with pillows and ate dinner and watched Songland.

During a commercial break I took my plate in and washed all the dishes that were in the sink. I made two servings of vegetables, so that I would have some to take to work tomorrow with some of the rotisserie chicken from yesterday. I will not make my co-workers suffer the scent of microwaved seafood.

— And I don’t care how much you hate your co-workers, do not ever microwave seafood or eggs in an office. It’s a cardinal sin. —

While I was cleaning my kitchen, literally over a commercial break – I smiled. It felt really good to be taking care of myself. It felt really good to have taken a walk, come home and shower then prepare myself a nice meal, get to enjoy it and then clean up after myself so that tomorrow me is ready to start fresh.

I thought about all the times when I didn’t, or wouldn’t, put myself first for various reasons. Even choosing fast food over cooking, eating my emotions instead of eating nutrition. Eating for the moment and not for the lifetime.

It was another tough day at the office for a few new reasons that I can’t really go into. It was just a weird day. So one of my colleagues brought some Lily’s chocolate in, to share with everyone. He broke up the bar into 4 pieces and went office to office distributing them.

I said no thank you. He said “but it’s the healthy chocolate.” I said “it’s not paleo, but thank you.” He said “it’s just a little bit.” I responded “Dude. I have 4 days left of my challenge.” He turned around and started to walk out, then turned back and said I’m proud of you, what will power!

It did take will power. But not that much. Emotional me wanted the chocolate, rational me knew it wouldn’t do anything positive for me. I wouldn’t enjoy it because I would feel guilty. This challenge has not been perfect. I think there were 6 times that I know I ate or drank something I wasn’t supposed to – mostly almond milk, coconut milk and siracha.

Am I going to beat myself up over that stuff? No. Are you kidding me? I haven’t had a properly sweetened coffee in 26 days. And boy-o-boy did I want a giant iced carmel macchiato today, but instead I had a nitro cold brew with coconut milk. I know there’s a bit of sugar in the starbucks cocnut milk, but again I’ll take the win.

I made the run for us to get afternoon pick me ups since I hadn’t had a break and my boss let me get out of the office for about 12 minutes. She asked for a Dr. Pepper, which is my favorite soda. I stood there, staring at the gas station coolers. They have 2 new kinds of Dr. Pepper that I wanted to try so bad, I laughed and thought that’s literally drinking sugary chemical juice.

I took a sip after my coffee and realized how bitter is. Whatever amount of sug in that coconut milk is certainly not enough to count that as a sweetener. I drank the coffee and was grateful for it. Truly grateful.

Change is hard, we know that, that is not new information. Staying the same is hard too though. One can stay the same and not ever be fully happy with that version of themselves, or they can make changes. Any size changes, any advancements or steps forward, really anything at all that will act as impetus to facilitate a personal growth. The choice is always there, the choice is always yours.